Wednesday, December 7, 2016

What do you do

What do you do, when some things seem impossible to resolve?

You try to analyse, and think of ways to resolve it.

What do you do,  when all parties involved have different opinions, and are all attacking you?

I honestly have no idea.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

I'm nothing but a puppet.

Like really. Every day, I re-live a certain scene in my mind. How they used my name to destroy my dream in just a few seconds. And how I was too weak to stop it. It's been almost six months and I still feel like turd. Quite overwhelming actually, when I look back at how people have controlled how I live (or not live, actually) life. Sometimes, I just feel alone in a hole that I can't get out of, because the whole world is against me.

Everything was perfect. The timing, the circumstances, the arrangements, temperature. Except for one thing.

That I was, and will always be the biggest loser in the world.

Who, can I add, doesn't deserve happiness.

Because everybody feels the need to dictate my life even when I DO NO HARM TO THE WORLD. At least I don't have to resort to threats.

Nothing can make up for this MAJOR (and uncalled for) disappointment. And at this point (very melodramatic, I know), I feel like I will never be happy again.

Then again, if I was meant to be happy, then it would have happened a long time ago.

I'm really not worth much,  eh? Will bookmark this for future reference.

Friday, December 2, 2016

I want to build a snowman!

Today, I was feeling quite envious of my sister and also April and a few other friends who were overseas enjoying the snow. I've never seen snow, and I just think it's so pretty. People who see snow all the time won't understand. But to see snow falling from the sky, and white, powdery ice on the floor - it's just something I never got to see. And I have a feeling I'll never get to see. It was also the happy look on April's face that made me so envious, I guess. To people like us - people who live in tropical climates - snow is just magical. And to see it with your favourite person (of course when I'm like super old, I can go alone) just seems so nice.

But whatever. 不是我的命. Things I want always evade me and my dreams were dashed earlier this year anyway.

And then I saw my friend post an encounter on Facebook. She met an elderly man with bad eyesight, and he asked her to help him with cash withdrawal because he couldn't see properly. Turned out that he had insufficient funds, and couldn't withdraw the amount be wanted to. So, all he could do was walk away, while mumbling that perhaps the government aid will be deposited into his account tomorrow.

My friend then highlighted that while some people are worrying about their next meal, some of us are thinking about our next branded purchases or next holiday plan. Like me, I was a bit bitter about... a lot of things. And my #foreverundesirable nature HAHA.

So I feel a bit guilty now.

Sure, it might have been a scam tactic to earn sympathy and money,(like this man who tried to scam me of $4 once). But this story just reminds me that there ARE people in such dire situations, and it's quite horrible for a person as blessed as me to complain so much.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

MY HAPPY BOOK!



Hello!

10 days ago was my birthday! I haven't celebrated birthdays for a long time already, but this year's special! All surprises, really. I received a looooong, sweet and heartfelt letter from Boris. Posic and Cheri surprised me with a cake, candle and song when we met up hahaha. SO SWEET. My co-workers also celebrated my birthday. And Poh Ling sent me a Hello Kitty birthday card she bought during her mini-honeymoon. And text messages :) 

I'll blog about them soon enough, but today, I want to talk about my new Happy Book! The super busy April managed to make time to meet me for my birthday, and she got me a Happy Book. I think this is a pretty cool idea - it works like a diary, but easier. I'm lazy to describe, and pictures say a thousand words, so take a look!





She told me she chose this book because, I quote:

"I feel that sometimes when we grow up, we feel very negative when we work.. we need things like tt to cheer us up, and it helps us to reflect the good thing in life. Sorry there is no nice pink !!"

Which is true, I guess. What I've been writing on this blog only reflects the sad parts of my life... this book will give me the motivation to write about the awesome parts! Because I'm the "listen to instructions" kid at heart ha.
And the words of encouragement of the week (yeah this is a weekly log) is DREAM BIG.
Yes I will dream big. I have a dream, just like Rapunzel and her boy. Some people don't believe in me, but I WILL SHOW THEM. Poor pessimistic souls, blah.


I can think of adventures I want to go on, and who I want to go with already ^^ And meals.... hahahaha. For someone who loves food.... 








Vivaldi playlist... Nicely-scented facial mask, comfy chair, and magical Enid Blyton Storybook. :D Sometimes, I'm just so tired of life in general that I just sit and do nothing. And suddenly... OH WOW 5 hours gone - of me doing nothing! I really need to be more productive, and start doing small things to smile. 



Filled this page already :D  

Such a pretty and meaningful book! I wish I could write more "nicely" about it... but these days,, I write so much at work - and in such different styles everyday that I kind of forgot my personal style. And I don't have the energy to make it "crowd-pleasing". And nobody reads but me reads it anyway so hahahaha never mind lah.

But to current and potential clients: don't judge me by my blog, ok?


Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Everything happens for a reason

Some days, I feel like I can't take it anymore (maybe I am just weak haha).

Then I remember that I've had many "Oh, so this is why some people say everything happens for a reason" realisations.

Next time I will blog about it and tag "everything happens for a reason", so that I can find encouragement to help me through tough times.

I'm more blessed than many people in the world, so I guess it's time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Also (and I may regret this impulsive mention) sometimes I feel like sociopaths and psychopaths have it easy in life. They don't feel empathy, they don't feel pain. Sometimes caring too much is the most terrible thing that can ever happen.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Sharpening My Writing Chops

I've been working on this for some time already... Reading good copy to learn from brilliant writers,  but there never seems to be enough time and energy, and my brain doesn't absorb knowledge as fast as Scarlett Johananssen's character did in the Lucy movie. It'sa very, very frustrating uphill climb. So many different styles, topics, specialisations. I wonder how long it took my boss to reach the (super sky high) level she's at.

Monday, September 26, 2016

That Girl is so Pretty

How come I see so many pretty girls on my newsfeed, but when I look into the mirror.... So average ah? Looking into mirrors must be really wonderful experiences for them haha.

I just saw a girl's wedding pics on Facebook.  This girl... Since the the tender age of 13, has been very pretty. And with makeup and nice hair... Even prettier! She looks like a delicate fairy wtf why I cannot look like maybe even half-bred fairy?

#firstworldproblems aside, it really sucks to not one of The Chosen Ones who were born pretty with nice facial features and bodies. What did I NOT do to deserve the same? I'm not a nasty person and I haven't done anything  bad. In this life, at least.

And no, I'm not fishing for compliments.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

I have a problem

And I can't stand it. Everything I do, say and write needs to go through a preemptive  "How would he/she/they respond". And it is so frustrating. Can't even explain it but sometimes I want to stab myself. And don't even say "you don't have to do this" coz you won't understand until you are in my shoes. Sometimes I wish that everyone, including myself are pre-programmed robots who all follow the same rules GOODNESS.

So easily irritated today. Fought the urge to kick a girl strutting in SLOW-MOTION at the mouth of the escalator. Later, a lady on the phone brushed past me and NEED TO KNOCK INTO MY SHOULDER SO HARD ANOT.