What do you do, when some things seem impossible to resolve?
You try to analyse, and think of ways to resolve it.
What do you do, when all parties involved have different opinions, and are all attacking you?
I honestly have no idea.
Like really. Every day, I re-live a certain scene in my mind. How they used my name to destroy my dream in just a few seconds. And how I was too weak to stop it. It's been almost six months and I still feel like turd. Quite overwhelming actually, when I look back at how people have controlled how I live (or not live, actually) life. Sometimes, I just feel alone in a hole that I can't get out of, because the whole world is against me.
Everything was perfect. The timing, the circumstances, the arrangements, temperature. Except for one thing.
That I was, and will always be the biggest loser in the world.
Who, can I add, doesn't deserve happiness.
Because everybody feels the need to dictate my life even when I DO NO HARM TO THE WORLD. At least I don't have to resort to threats.
Nothing can make up for this MAJOR (and uncalled for) disappointment. And at this point (very melodramatic, I know), I feel like I will never be happy again.
Then again, if I was meant to be happy, then it would have happened a long time ago.
I'm really not worth much, eh? Will bookmark this for future reference.
Some days, I feel like I can't take it anymore (maybe I am just weak haha).
Then I remember that I've had many "Oh, so this is why some people say everything happens for a reason" realisations.
Next time I will blog about it and tag "everything happens for a reason", so that I can find encouragement to help me through tough times.
I'm more blessed than many people in the world, so I guess it's time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Also (and I may regret this impulsive mention) sometimes I feel like sociopaths and psychopaths have it easy in life. They don't feel empathy, they don't feel pain. Sometimes caring too much is the most terrible thing that can ever happen.
I've been working on this for some time already... Reading good copy to learn from brilliant writers, but there never seems to be enough time and energy, and my brain doesn't absorb knowledge as fast as Scarlett Johananssen's character did in the Lucy movie. It'sa very, very frustrating uphill climb. So many different styles, topics, specialisations. I wonder how long it took my boss to reach the (super sky high) level she's at.
How come I see so many pretty girls on my newsfeed, but when I look into the mirror.... So average ah? Looking into mirrors must be really wonderful experiences for them haha.
I just saw a girl's wedding pics on Facebook. This girl... Since the the tender age of 13, has been very pretty. And with makeup and nice hair... Even prettier! She looks like a delicate fairy wtf why I cannot look like maybe even half-bred fairy?
#firstworldproblems aside, it really sucks to not one of The Chosen Ones who were born pretty with nice facial features and bodies. What did I NOT do to deserve the same? I'm not a nasty person and I haven't done anything bad. In this life, at least.
And no, I'm not fishing for compliments.